Goodbye Grandpop

As I sit here, with my mind still fresh from the other family losses less than two months ago, I am filled with even more sadness over this latest loss. My paternal Grandfather, Robert Ogbin, finally passed away at 5:00am this morning. He was 92 and had been in a nursing home for several years, suffering from Parkinson's and dementia. Even though it felt like he had gone a while ago, not really living in the present world, it still hurts that he's gone now. That they are all gone. That I've gone from four grandparents and a great grandparent to just one single grandparent...my maternal grandmother. The great/grandmothers were sudden, and the one was definitely unexpected...no time for goodbyes. The other two spent last year+ of their lives wasting away, not able to even really enjoy it the way they should be able to. It all seems so unfair, and a waste...and so I cry, cry over the unfairness of it all. The loss of four loved ones, in only two months. Makes me wonder why...why life does this? But I already know the answer...life doesn't DO anything...it just is. Stuff happens. Life doesn't do fairness or unfairness. You just need to live it while you can. So I am going to quote some words from a new Ozzy song that I am currently addicted to, and tell everyone to go live your life as much as you can, right now...

"Every second you throw away
Every minute of every day
Don't get caught in a myriad
Because life won't wait for you
No, life won't wait for you, my friend."
            - Ozzy Osbourne, "Life Won't Wait"


Sorry for the crappy picture, it's the best I can find right now.
From Sandy and Travis' wedding - he's in the wheel chair.

Autumnal Equinox

Today is the autumnal equinox. Day and night are of equal lengths. Night and day are even. The first day of autumn. And this one is marked by a full moon. The harvest moon. Pretty amazing!
Happy Autumn, everyone!

10 Weeks

Today I am 10 weeks pregnant. I'll mark the occasion by posting my first belly picture and some baby info.



Baby: The baby is only the size of a plum, but he (or she) is growing every day. He/she is out of the "embryonic stage" and entering the "fetal stage." Fingers are separating this week, and webbed toes will soon follow. Baby's tail is quickly disappearing, too.

Me: I have been feeling very tired, very worn out. I've had a few icky feeling mornings, but that is about it. No actual sickness. I am definitely showing a little belly, although when I look straight on in a mirror it really just looks like I am slightly fat. *sigh* I want to get a bit bigger so that it's obvious I look pregnant. And I want to feel that baby flutter kick in there.
I'll try to post belly pictures every two weeks. And at some point I'll include a link on the right to a page that just has belly pics for comparison.

Some milestones

Yesterday I hit two milestones in pregnancy (well, what I am calling milestones...just things that happen during pregnancy at some point).
First, I started wearing my maternity pants. Gave up trying to squeeze myself into pants that were hard to zipper up and button closed. So I got down the bag of pants (forgot I had so many of them), and threw on my favorite pair of corduroys. SO much better, comfy. And one more step to making it even more real (still a little bit a of a surprise, and surreal).

Second...a familiar feeling. I was sitting at my work desk, noticing a sensation that kept recurring. But I was distracted by work and so wasn't really thinking about it. I've been wondering when I would feel the baby flickering around in there, and so part of my brain kept straying to that. But that didn't make sense with the sensations I was feeling. I finally gave it some more thought. My lower belly was tightening, and then that tightness was kind of rolling down through my belly. Then it hit me. Braxton Hicks! I was having Braxton Hicks! Wait...at 9w3d (9 weeks 3 days)? Um, isn't that WAY too early? I know I felt them early last time, but that was still at 17w2d. This is 8 weeks earlier than that. So I grew a little concerned and looked it up online...and was relieved. Apparently Braxton Hicks start up around about 6 weeks, but usually they aren't felt until past the halfway point in pregnancy, after 20 weeks. Some women don't feel them at all. Some feel them sooner. And SOME apparently do feel them as early as their second month, which I have just passed out of. So it's not uncommon to feel them this soon. And usually the second time around women apparently feel them a bit stronger. So it all jives. So, it's all okay. And I am feeling Braxton Hicks. Already. Wow! Now THAT makes it a lot more real. A familiar sensation from last time. Kind of neat. I still haven't felt the baby move and can't wait until that finally happens, but I probably have another month before that happens, even my second time around. I'll post when I notice.

YAY! Pregnant!

Too much going on

I know, I haven't really been posting all that much. Haven't been keeping you up-to-date on my pregnancy, haven't been posting about the stuff going on, or the things I have been meaning to post about. I want to post about some of the knitting projects I've done, and some things I've experienced, that occurred before this journal came into being. I want to talk about stuff going on recently (like fixing our foundation and getting a new patio with pavers). I want to keep everyone updated on my pregnancy.

I promise to post more, and to include pictures. Regarding the pregnancy, everything is going well. I am currently 9w 2d (9 weeks and 2 days). Still in the first trimester, but only a few weeks away from the second. The baby is doing well, at least as of my last appointment. Saw the little one moving around, waving its paddle arms, measuring at almost an inch long (about 5 days larger than expected). Aside from really being exhausted and not really having an appetite for much, I am doing well. Already starting to swell a bit and there are some pants that I can no longer wear. Guess I need to break out the maternity wear already.

Before I go, I do want to say/ask one more thing. Does anyone read these? Is there anyone out there actually taking the time to read any of my posts? Or am I just posting to the thin air of the Internet? I know Danamarie reads when she has time and will sometimes comment, but I know right now she is busy with a show. Do any of my family members take time to read my thoughts? I would LOVE to actually see comments to my posts...from family, from friends. So if you ARE reading these...PLEASE leave a comment now and then. Even if it's just a hello because you don't know what else to say.
Thanks.

My little boy

He is no longer quite so little. I can't call him a toddler anymore. Check out his journal, linked on the right, for today's post (September 12th), and see what I mean.

New Life

In the course of 2 weeks I lost three family members. A very sad time, filled with regrets, heartache, and many tears. But in the midst of that sadness comes some happiness. Sometimes as one life ends, another begins. Somewhere in the midst of all this loss...I became pregnant.

Pregnant. I am pregnant again. New life is growing inside me. A miracle has occurred. And this time, it happened without a lot of effort, without a lot of fuss, without taking 2.5 years. Life just working as it is supposed to. And maybe helping to somewhat ease the pain of these last few months.

Pregnant. I still can't quite believe it. Even after seeing the little bright circle of growing life on the ultrasound, it seems a little unreal. But I'll take it...such an amazing surprise, right when it was needed most. Thank you.

My due date is April 18th. I am currently a little over 7 weeks along. I will be happy with either a boy or a girl and want to be surprised this time.
I'll try to attach my ticker somewhere on this journal and will post with updates and such.