One week postpartum

Just wanted to throw in a quick update, letting everyone know I am alive. I am actually spending most of my free laptop time trying to work on blog entries on Maia's blog, to show off more pictures of her. But I don't want to neglect this blog either.
So, it's one week since I've had Maia. I am actually feeling much better today. I was hurting up until yesterday evening, but then suddenly I started feeling much better. Less hurting, less aching, more sanity. So today I am feeling more human...still less sore, feeling like I can handle things a bit more. Even with the lack of sleep (insomnia has hit me for some reason...just what I need, in an already limited-sleep situation).

Thought I would include a belly picture, to continue with the pregnancy theme. Just to show where I am one week after delivery. Soon I want to start working on getting rid of the excess belly skin, but I am surprised at how quickly things have gone away in just a week.





(Sorry for the crappy quality, realized after the fact that the camera was on the wrong setting. Oh well. Hides my exhaustion. Heh)

Maia Elizabeth is here

Finally...she is here. After months of carrying a baby around in my belly, of being kicked and prodded and bruised, of feeling little hiccups and movements, of wondering if the baby would be a boy or a girl...Oliver or Maia...that moment came. On April 22nd (Earth Day, how wonderful), at 7:11pm, our daughter Maia was born into this world. A girl...we had a girl. She weighed 6lbs 12oz, and measured 20.5" long with a 12.6" head circumference. And she was so beautiful!



She had dark hair, with little wavelets in it, decent lungs, and perfect little fingers and toes and nose and lips and shoulders and...everything. And she's mine. Well, ours...mine and my husband's, of course.





She was an effort to give birth to...not sure why. My braxton hicks started ramping up Tuesday afternoon (19th), and by 12:30am on Wednesday I could tell they were really labor contractions instead of Braxton Hicks. By 3pm I needed to find some relief and got into the bath, and we called my mom and back-up doula. For some reason things slowed down after I got into the bath...and well..let's just say things slowed down and picked up in waves over the next two days. My doula, Jodi, got back from her trip Wednesday evening and stopped by, but left after a few hours. By Thursday evening I was having to moan through the contractions because they were hurting so much in my back, and Jodi showed up again to help keep me calm (I was doubting my ability to hang on and go natural after all this time). It took until early Friday morning for me to have frequent enough contractions to be able to go to the hospital (never thought I would make it that far given the pain level I was experiencing, but apparently I have a level of strength in me I didn't know I possessed (or that any human could possess, for that matter).



We arrived at the hospital at 6:45am on Friday and I spent the next few hours experiencing labor pains that I don't think most people usually do, hanging on, just waiting to feel that urge to push so that I could finally have my natural delivery. When I found out a few hours later (noonish?) that I was only 5cm dilated, I realized that this couldn't be done, not for me, that there was no way I could make it to the end without passing out or having my back and uterus literally explode out of me. So I had to get the epidural. I fully endorse women going natural and being able to labor without epidurals and I DON'T want my experience to affect the decision of others, but I think I was given a bad deal for some reason and it just wasn't in the cards for me. I am proud of what I did to get to that point, and know I made the best choice here. I progressed pretty quickly after that, getting to 9cm within 2 hours of that, and soon after being ready to push (couldn't really feel things enough to feel ready to push, but I was at 10cm). Pushed for a long time, because Maia's head was turned to the side and she kept tipping her head back when I would push, so I didn't make much progress. Finally, the OB made the call that if we wanted to get her out without a c-section, he would need to use forceps. Not my ideal, but I think it DID save me from ending up with a repeat section, which is what I wanted to avoid most of all. A quick turn and then a dozen more pushes and she was out, pretty quick (that's all she needed). And then she was on my belly and I was touching her. It wasn't long before I was holding her close and feeding her and loving her. And I had my successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), so I am yet another success story to inspire those who have had a previous c-section.

Big brother Liam is really tickled to have his new baby sister. I am sure there will be some adjustments and growing pains as he gets used to her presence in the house, but so far he has been happy with her and just asks questions...mainly why she keeps crying.




Obviously, Grandmom and Grandpop are thrilled to have another grandchild. And Grandmom is really happy that she finally gets a granddaughter, one that she can (and already has) spoil with girly things. (I am pretty sure their local Target no longer has any girl baby clothes left right now).



It's great to be home but definitely has been an adjustment. She is a bit of work to feed as she falls asleep soon after latching on and is really hard to wake up. She also has to be woken for feedings, which I suppose isn't the worst thing, since it means we usually can space the feedings out and not be woken too early at night. (right now anyway)



I could sit here all day and post tons of pictures, but it's actually taken me all day to get this post written, given all the breaks and interruptions I have had. I totally plan to create a blog for Maia, just like I have one for Liam, and I will post a LOT of pictures there, plus this original post most likely. I will update this post with a link to it when it's created, and there will also be a link on the right side of this blog, right there with Liam's link.



Happy Birth Day, lovey little Maia. Welcome to our family!

Here is the link to Maia's Journal!

It's official! 40 Weeks!

Today is my due date! The day that everyone seems to revolve around...even though it's really just an estimate. Really, the baby could be here anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks. Obviously now that's 40-42 weeks. *sigh* I really was hoping the baby would have been here by now, but not sure why I am so antsy about it...it is only just my due date right now....there could still be two more weeks to go. Probably not (I really hope not), but it's not like I've hit some magic deadline and every day past this is one where I need to sit wringing my hands wondering what the heck is taking the baby so long. Heck, the due date could even be off by a whole week, so that has to factor in as well.

Anyway, everything is going pretty well. The baby is fine in there, head-down and in the correct orientation. I had a non-stress test today and the baby did wonderfully. Even though it doesn't really mean much, I AM 50% effaced and 1-2cm dilated, so my body IS making some preparations. And that also means that if I get past 41 weeks and we decide we want to try to naturally trigger labor, that can be done because my body is attempting to get ready.
I haven't measured or weighed myself in a while, but I am probably about the same as I was last time I tried...my belly isn't really getting any bigger. The baby might be weighing more but I am kind of holding steady with weight, or even losing some, which is normal at this point in the pregnancy.

I AM totally uncomfortable, though. I have been sleeping on the couch for over a week now, due to my hip being sore from pressure and stretching ligaments, and the couch having the softest, most relenting surface. Which makes me feel alone and ostracized at night. I miss sleeping in my nice bed, with Matt. I get out of breath so quickly, and I am sore all the time, in many different ways. The baby isn't hurting quite so much with it's movements, but there are a few here and there (especially around 11pm) where the baby makes some big motions that are uncomfortable. And I can't lay on my right side now, as my heart is bothering me again. I am just SOOOO ready to have this baby. And I really want to see whether this is a girl or boy. Really.

Oh, and sorry for the rambling post about ICAN and such yesterday. I meant it to be a lot shorter and cohesive than that, but I guess that's just not my style. I hope anyone reading it got the gist of it. And hopefully I am an inspiration to people. And not just some "weird girl with hippy/new-age ideas". *sigh*

Okay, here is the last belly picture you guys will get (most likely). There won't be any for comparison from last pregnancy, since I never made it this far with Liam.






Your Baby This Week
The time has finally arrived! You and baby are ready to be a team. The day you two meet will be here in a heartbeat!
Approaching 7.5 pounds (3.4 kg) or more, and measuring up to 22 inches (56 cm), your baby is ready to make her grand entrance any time now. All of her organs are fully developed, and she has reflexes and more coordination. Baby can grasp and hold onto things, turn her head, and respond to outside cues, including the sound of your voice. Most of the lanugo hair has fallen out, but some may still remain on the shoulders, neck, behind the ears and in the deeper folds of the skin. It too will shed in the weeks immediately after birth.

Your Body This Week
Congratulations--delivery day is almost here! The next change you experience will be labor pains. Don't be alarmed if your due date comes and goes without so much as a cramp. Only about 5% of babies are born on the estimated due date. She'll arrive when she's ready and not a moment sooner! Getting sleep may be challenging now, partly because you're uncomfortable and partly because you're nervous. But rest is essential! Labor and delivery will be so much easier if you are well-rested. When you're not in bed, keep your feet elevated and wait for your bundle of joy to arrive.

ICAN do this

Okay, it's a little bit of a cheesy title, but it works. Today I attended my second ICAN meeting, and I feel a lot more positive again about the upcoming birth that I will experience.

ICAN, for those that don't know, is the International Cesarean Awareness Network. It's a site with a lot of information on cesareans and preventing them, and for women that have had prior cesareans that wish to have normal vaginal delivery in the future (called VBACs = vaginal birth after cesarean, or HBACs if done as a home birth). There is so much misinformation out there regarding this topic, and it seems like the medical world is taking a slow climb out of the the dark ages on this one. Just about everyone I have talked to and mentioned that I am doing a VBAC seem to be under the impression that once you have a c-section, you automatically have to have one again. And that is no longer the case...that's a carry-over from an older time period when a different kind of cesarean cut was done that increased the chances of uterine rupture (the scar reopening during labor). That's no longer done, and so the chances of rupture are very small, 0.7%, which is well less than the chance of things like umbilical cord prolapse and such. But for some reason, many people seem to be far more focused on this issue, and it's causing so many women to end up having repeat c-sections...either because their doctors are TOO careful and monitoring them too closely, jumping at the first sign that something might look wrong, or some doctors refuse to perform VBACs because they just don't have confidence in women's bodies doing what they are supposed to...or (god forbid) the women themselves, for some reason, elect to have a repeat c-section instead of trying for a VBAC. For some reason they think it's BETTER to opt for major surgery. That's NEVER the best decision, not unless there is some true medical issue that makes it necessary, and very very few women have a medical reason.

Anyway, I am very unhappy that I ended up with a c-section, one that I feel could have been prevented, and I am working very hard to educate myself and not let me be led down the path that could lead to that again. It's been a battle in some spots...having to change OBs as well as hospitals in order to get doctors/midwives and a hospital that are more open-minded and understanding and not so quick to "panic" over nothing. Doctors that aren't insisting that I sign up for a "just-in-case" c-section at 39 weeks so that there will be one already on the books if I get to that point and they feel I won't go into labor on my own (um, how on earth can they really tell that. Women can go up to 2 weeks late with no issues and sometimes they don't really look like they are progressing at all and then BAM they progress in the matter of a day or so). I refused to do that, wanting to push it out past 41 weeks, and they gave me trouble. I also don't want to be tied to a monitor constantly in the hospital, as that limits mobility, paves the way for false readings, and is known to increase the chance of needing medications and possibly a repeat c-section. Yet most hospitals feel nervous, for some reason, when VBAC patients aren't monitored every single second and would rather increase the chance of a repeat c-section so that they feel better about it. I suppose they could claim they did all they could, but to me they are just increasing my chances for another labor going wrong. So I switched doctors, and hospitals. Still probably going to encounter some conflict at the hospital if I decide I want to get off the monitor and get in the shower or walk the halls or do something else to progress labor...and I encounter a nurse that feels very uncomfortable with me being off the monitor. But if nothing is wrong with the baby, being off the monitor for 20 minutes isn't going to cause any problems. If something bad happens during that time, it would be rupture and I would feel it (OB's have already told me this). So I plan to stand my ground...but then, I hope I am not in the hospital all that long anyway before it's time to push that baby out. (Sometimes I wonder why I am not going with a home birth...it really IS my ideal. But now, with only 2 days until my due date, I can't make such a big change, I don't think I could mentally be okay with it.)

Wow, okay, rambling. Sorry. Guess I need to vent. I wanted to say that today I attended my second ICAN chapter meeting. That I got to meet doulas and midwives who have helped/assisted/delivered women doing VBACs. That I got to hear the positive birth stories of mothers who have done successful VBACs, unmedicated. That I got to talk to other pregnant women who are trying for VBACs this pregnancy, and mothers that are thinking about it for the next time they got pregnant, or were thwarted in their attempts at a VBAC. It's very supportive, to hear all the info, and to share. I really can't wait until I have my positive experience (please please please), so that I can then share it with others and inspire hope.

I doubt anyone that might possibly be reading this is attempting a VBAC, since at most it's family or a few friends. (Michelle is the only one that would qualify at some point in the future, if she ever gets pregnant again). But hopefully this entry at least encourages women to read up on things, to look into pregnancy and the amazing thing that a woman's body is during labor. To take hope from those things read, and inspiration, and hopefully be better prepared if they are ever pregnant...or spread some hope and inspiration to those they know that become pregnant. We have too many "horror" stories surrounding labor and birth in our culture...all the negative stuff...so much that by the time women become pregnant and get to the point of labor, they feel that they just HAVE to have the epidural, that they CAN'T do this without medications, and that every single thing their doctor tells them must be for the best and should not be questioned in any way. And birth becomes a scary thing, something to be feared...and that only makes the whole process worse. It turns it from the celebration of life that it is, with intensity and maybe some pain...to a nightmare of "the most horrible pain ever" that women go into fearing and dreading...and ultimately cause themselves more suffering.

PLEASE read up on things online. Please read positive birth stories, especially natural, unmedicated ones (even if you don't plan for one, it gives you inspiration and can only help). Ina May Gaskin has some good books for this. Watch some You-Tube videos of this and see how well these women do (these aren't special super-women, just women like you and I). Read books and literature that inspire confidence and well-being ("Mind Over Labor" is an excellent book). And for heavens sake, DON'T listen to all the "scary" stories, because those aren't the experiences you should be wanting to litter your mind with.

"Come out, Baby! It's safe here!"

Liam has been trying to help in getting the baby to come out of my belly, and this is one of the cute things he has said. To see more of what he has said, and to see some cute pictures, check out the post that I made on his blog (don't really want to post duplicate entries):


http://ldmjournal.blogspot.com/2011/04/come-out-baby-its-safe-here.html

(love my son!)

Several Reasons I Love Spring

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7.




*happy sigh*

One more week to go! (supposedly)

Well, here I am, at 39 weeks. This is as far as I got with Liam...and I may be further along with this baby now. But with Liam I was induced, so all bets are off...who knows when I would have actually gone into labor with him if they had let things be.
Still, even though I have another week left, and could technically go as late as 2 weeks (before they evict the baby on their own), I am getting really antsy as each day goes by and nothing has happened. I am ready to have this baby. Mentally I am both ready and not ready. The part of me that knows it will change our lives again, and we won't be the three-member family dynamic we currently are (and that I love), that part isn't quite ready...don't know that it ever will be until after we have the baby. It's that same part of a new parent that is never QUITE ready to have that new baby. But the part of me that is thinking about the labor/birth itself and other things is definitely ready...I don't want to think about it anymore, wonder what it will be like, worry about the things that are there to be worried about...I am ready to be done with. I am ready to have this baby and be done thinking about that part...I want to get to the part where I get to share my wonderful experience.

Physically, I am DEFINITELY ready. I am more uncomfortable now than ever. I am sore most of the time, out of breath, and tired a lot. I am taking daily walks now in an effort to convince this baby it's time to come out, and usually I have to stop a few times to deal with the baby pushing/bouncing on my cervix and lower ligaments (which results in stabbing pains that sometimes make me double over). I can only sit in certain positions without either feeling totally sore or having my heart flutter uncomfortably. I now sleep on the couch, because it's the only place that I seem to avoid the hip pain, but the extra squishyness of the couch that helps with that also makes my back more uncomfortable. And I feel alienated sleeping downstairs all by myself. I've had a few "weird" things happening that seem to indicate that I could be going into labor and they get me all perked up, but then nothing comes of it. I go to bed half expecting to wake up in labor, but then morning comes...and nothing. More lower pain, nesting spurts, much stronger Braxton Hicks and more of them, my system cleaning itself out, nausea. But apparently it's nothing. Because that stuff has been happening on and off for 4 days and nothing yet.

I know I should be so antsy...and I probably wouldn't be so much, if it weren't for my doula, Jodi, and my sister both leaving on the 15th. Jodi especially is the one that has me feeling slightly rushed/worried, because I really want her to be around when I go into labor (yeah, I know, I need to not be dependent on her being there...she is leaving me in the capable hands of one of her back-ups). For the four days she will be gone, I will be worried about going into labor and not having her there. So I would rather the baby came sooner so I don't have that extra stress/worry. And my sister is gone for an entire week. Not that she was going to be at the labor, but I know she wants to see the baby as soon as it's born, not have to wait potentially a whole week. But there you have it...that's why I am so anxious for this baby to come early...and not just a few days early, but at least 4 days early. Otherwise, aside from a smaller size, there isn't much reason to rush.
But, baby will come when baby is ready. I am just trying to convince Baby that Baby is ready NOW. Heh. Liam is even telling the baby to come out now, that it's safe out here, that it's cozy and nice. :) Totally cute.

SO....send those labor vibes my way! Preferably quick, natural ones. (I am going for a 3-6 hour labor here, very manageable).


Okay, official baby info:
Your Baby This Week
If you're not in labor at this very moment, you will be soon! And as anxious as you are to meet your little angel, he is just as excited to enter the world.
Even at this late stage, your baby is still growing, now to around 7 pounds (3.5 kg) and 22 (56 cm) inches. All of baby's organs (except the lungs) are fully developed, along with toenails, fingernails, and muscles in his arms and legs. At this point, babies can become entangled in their umbilical cords. If this should happen, don't worry. In most cases it's not dangerous. And contrary to rumor, it's not caused by anything you did.

Your Body This Week
Although your tummy is larger than you could have imagined, you may actually feel more comfortable in your body than you have in a while. That's because your baby has dropped further down into your pelvis, relieving additional pressure. This change has also caused your center of gravity to shift suddenly, so you may lose your balance more easily or have difficulty standing upright, particularly when getting out of a chair. Take extra care of yourself - you have a baby to deliver very soon!

Baby blanket info

I just realized I never posted more info about the baby blanket. How much yarn it takes, what yarn, etc. Although I guess it would be nice to post that with the pattern as well. But in case I forget with the impending baby...I already have the pattern saved off, just not the amount of yarn, so maybe I should post that here anyway.

Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really know how much yarn I actually used. I had 8 skeins of the Bernat Satin yarn, but didn't come anywhere close to using all of that. I had that much because of all the different colors and because I worked with separate skeins for each of the sections, instead of cutting off huge lengths of yarn to work each square separately. I would have had to have knit up a square and then undo it and measure how much yarn that took, so that I knew how long one length of yarn needed to be. I didn't feel like doing that much measuring and such. So I just dealt with full skeins, and since it's the same yarn I use for baby hats, I didn't really have an issue with having so much left over. But, if I were to guess, I would say that I probably used about 1 to 1.5 skeins of Sage (light green) and Camel (tan) each, for the 6 squares that were done in each color. Probably only one skein of the silk (white). So, you MIGHT be able to get away with three different skeins, but probably safer to have two skeins each of the colors, so 5 skeins total. If you were doing all the squares in one color, then probably only 3 skeins of color, so 4 skeins total. Again, though, I am just going on what I had left over and knowing that I started with some of the skeins already broken into. I didn't have time to measure how much was used (don't know how anyone does). Unless you have an objection to having yarn left over, I would get extra to be safe. And like I said, unless you are going to measure out how much yarn is needed for a square and cut off lengths of yarn for each square you are doing, then it kind of becomes more necessary to have 8 skeins.

This DOES also make the project hard to transport, and CAN be a tangled mess if you don't manage it correctly. I found the best way to address it was to sew little fabric drawstring bags (big enough to hold a Bernat Satin skein of yarn comfortably), and put a skein in each one. So I had 7 bags total (of different colors, to tell the ordering better). I sit on a chair very low to the ground (we have one of those gamer console/rocker things), with the bags neatly arranged on either side of me, in order. I would start with one color, and then when I got to the next and twisted the two yarns over each other to lock them together, I would just grab the appropriate bag and move it around the other bag, so that a tangle didn't start to form. As I moved across the row, I would make sure I did this for every color change, so that at the end the bags were still in order and no yarn strands were crossed over each other. Then I would flip my work and all the bags around in opposite order, and start again. A bit tedious, but once I got up a rhythm it worked well, and it was definitely better (for me) than dealing with a tangled mess or having to measure and cut lengths of yarn (like huge intarsia). And in the end, it all worked out.

Night from hel...ummm...heck..

No, I am not in labor yet. Just getting really close. But kind of wish I had woken up in labor, because then I would be done at this point and the misery I am going through would be over with.
Last night I had horrible trouble sleeping. My left hip bothers me like crazy. I think it's a mixture of loose ligaments/muscles, bad posture (even though I use several pillows between my knees), and pressure points. So after a while, I can no longer lay on my left side, due to the shooting pain in my hip, butt, and thigh. So I roll over to my right side. But now I can't stay on that side for very long, because my heart does not like it...starts racing, and I get out of breath, and feel very uncomfortable. Hard to explain, but usually I can't last more than a few minutes. So then I flip back over to my left side again, wait for my heart to calm down and hope that my hip had enough of a break in those few minutes that I can get back to sleep again. But not so last night. My hip was screaming in pain, and nothing I did made it feel better, except standing up, or laying on my right side...neither of which let me sleep. And on top of that, I was starving, so my growling stomach wouldn't let me sleep. And the baby kept getting hiccups. So even if I COULD manage to get my leg into a position that worked for a bit, I couldn't fall asleep due to baby hiccups or hunger. Eventually I moved down to the couch, which had a squishier surface and seemed to allow me to fall asleep, with a little bit of relief from my hip. Had to wait for the baby to stop hiccuping, but managed to fall asleep. I should have eaten something, but I was way too tired to get up and think about what to eat and then chew whatever it was I decided on. Ugh. I try to eat right before I go to bed, but it doesn't seem to help now. Guess the baby is gathering all the energy it can for the end, now.

Ugh...I am about to put Liam down for a nap (not that he naps) and I think I am going to attempt to take a nap as well. At least rest. I need it. More now than ever. I really don't want to labor in this tired state. Bleh.

Completed!

The baby blanket is finally done! And before the baby has come! Which means that I can bring it with me to the hospital and take the baby home in it. *whew* Wasn't sure I would actually make it, so this is a nice surprise.

Wanna see? Of COURSE you do! *smile*



Here is a close up of the stitches...the moss stitch for the white, and seed stitch for the sage and tan. And a crocheted edge to make it look more clean (yeah, yeah, had to learn a little bit of crochet to do that...don't worry, though, I am definitely not a convert...still a knitting 100%).



I used the same colors that Matt had picked out for Liam's knit blanket, and used the "squares" concept. So the blankets have similarities, but are definitely different. Here you can see them side-by-side, Liam's on the left. I am quite happy with my work, and I hope my children love them well. (sorry for the light-colored towel as a background... the blanket is currently blocking and I needed the biggest towel I had to dry it on)



Now, for something completely different, here are a few pictures of the baby's room, since we also recently got that finished up (meaning, we finally got the storage shelves put in and I finally put away the last of the clean baby clothes in the laundry basket). Pictures show each corner of the room, going counter-clockwise.








Okay. I am off to bed. It's later than I wanted it to be, I am tired from the day's activities AND the fact that I suffered a bout of insomnia last night and didn't get nearly enough sleep. And it seems like I am having a lot more Braxton Hicks than usual today, especially this evening, and if this baby is about to come soon, I really would like to get as much sleep in as possible. So...off I go...who knows if I will wake up in labor or not. Would kind of be nice to do so, but I am hoping it's closer to 7am or so. *smile*

Gender/Birth Prediction Poll

Since I sent out an email to friends/family/etc. for a fun poll to predict gender and the details of the baby's birth, figured I would post the link here so that it's readily available.

http://kimberlyandmatthew.home.comcast.net/files/MaiaOliverPrediction.html

Go ahead...guess...email me your guess, or leave a comment, and I'll update the web page.

38 weeks pregnant

I am almost there, almost done. Any day now this baby could make it's appearance. Aside from finishing this baby blanket, there is very little else to do. Well, I have things I want to get done, but none of them really need to be done before the baby comes. Technically, neither does the blanket, but I WANT to be done before the baby comes, so I don't have to think about the knitting for a bit (I can do simple knitting instead).

Let's see, updates on me...baby is moving around less, but does have periods of extra squirmy-ness. And the baby seems to like to push it's feet into my belly at the same spot, and it actually hurts quite a bit. Not really crazy about it. I feel like I am raw on the inside and going to have a permanent indentation there from all the stretching. Sleeping is getting more uncomfortable now, with my heart giving me more trouble at night...I've been having to adjust the position I lay in, which usually means my arms and shoulder aching by the end of the night and having fallen asleep. My left hip is also really hurting a lot now, and I can't seem to do much to relieve it. Ah well. If it's like my first pregnancy, as soon as I have the baby that will all go away.
Mentally I am in a pretty good mood. Reading all of this natural child birthing information has left me feeling very excited about having a natural birth, and also very empowered. I feel sad for all the women who are afraid of child birth, so afraid of the potential pain that they are willing to jump to drugs right away, before even giving their bodies a chance. They aren't bothering to read up on what they can accomplish as strong, beautiful women and so they think they can't manage it, and they are opening themselves up to risks and longer, less effective labors. I really wish all of them would read the things I am...I think it would make them feel better about themselves, and be more prepared to deal with the intensity of child birth. I am currently reading a book called "Mind Over Labor" and I recommend it for all pregnant women, whether you intend to do completely natural child-birth or not.

Anyway, I am definitely excited about having my natural experience, so that I can then share it with others and hopefully inspire them and give them the confidence they need.

So...here's how big I look now. *smile* Aren't I cute?




Official baby info

Your Baby This Week
Your baby is preparing to be born as you're preparing to experience the true excitement of impending childbirth. You may feel a little nervous, which is perfectly normal.
In anticipation of meeting you, baby is busy getting ready for the occasion. The fine hair (lanugo), covering her body begins to shed along with the whitish coating on the skin (vernix). Your baby's weight is approaching 7 pounds (3.5 kg), but she remains around 21 inches (53 cm) long, which shows that she's getting plumper! If your baby were born this week, she would have no problems surviving on her own.

Your Body This Week
Although your size is remaining constant, your discomfort might be increasing, as some of the symptoms related to your weight, including heat rashes and difficulty sleeping, might be getting to you. While your due date may be two or more weeks away, pack your labor bag and get ready. Ninety-five percent of all babies are born within two weeks of their due dates.

Close to done

Just wanted to share the latest progress with the baby blanket, as I am nearing it's finish. It's over 3/4 of the way done, and if I can just keep knitting pretty steadily on it, hopefully I will be finished knitting by the end of the weekend. Then there are just the million ends to weave in (okay, probably about 32 more, since I DID manage to weave in a chunk of them these last two days). And then a crocheted edge (like was done with Liam's blanket), and blocking it. Then I am done. So, hopefully by the middle of next week it will be blocking/drying.
And then the baby can come! Woo hoo!

Oh yeah...the picture...here it is:



As you can see, it has four rows of alternating neutral-colored squares. I am partway into the fourth row of squares, and then there is just the white final border after that. I am very much liking how this blanket is coming out, and I will have to post the pattern at some point. I am sure other knitters would be interested. I can say it's a bit of a pain given that when doing the colored rows, I am juggling 7 skeins of yarn around trying to prevent them from getting tangled. I have a technique all worked out, but it works best sitting down low to the ground with the yarn around me, and isn't a very nice traveling project. The white is moss stitch pattern, and the colored squares are seed stitch. I'll have to figure out how much yarn is actually used, but to make it easier on me, I just used full skeins for the juggling part, instead of figuring out how much yarn I needed for the individual squares and cutting off smaller chunks. So I have 8 skeins total, but will have a good amount left over. But then, that's fine for me, because this yarn is the same yarn I use to knit baby hats and there are always friends/family having babies. In fact, I have two coming up very soon. *smile*

Happy April - we've got names

It's finally April, no longer March. Not that March is a bad month, but April means Spring to me. Spring Spring Spring. The cold is slipping away, the rain is making things grow, and soon there will be lots of Spring flowers and more comfortable temperatures. And Spring means new life, which works perfectly given that I am due to deliver in April. It could be any day now....but definitely within the next 5.5 weeks (since I won't go more than 2 weeks past my due date). Hopefully it's more like 1.5-2 weeks (a little early would be nice, for a variety of reasons).

And now...we finally decided on names. Took a little while (okay, it took a LONG while, and lots of discussions and such...very frustrating), but now we have first names and middle names.

If this baby is a boy, he will be:
Oliver Jacob Miller

If this baby is a girl, she will be:
Maia Elizabeth Miller

There was definitely some sacrifice on both sides for the names, but I think we are pretty happy with them. Now we just have to wait to see which one it will be.

Oh, I did want to mention something.
We were greatly considering the following:

Oliver Jacob Oscar Miller and Maia Elizabeth Gladys Miller

In honor of the loved ones we recently lost. Oscar for my late maternal grandfather, and Gladys for my late paternal grandmother and late maternal great grandmother. I really wanted to honor them in this way. But after talking about it and going over the names in our head, we decided not to go for the two middle names...to not have four names. I am somewhat sad about this, but I think it's probably the best given the names we went with. I just wanted to mention that, so that family knows how much we were thinking about those lost loved ones, lost right as this new life was beginning. (note, we didn't forget about Robert, my late paternal grandfather, it just didn't flow as well with Oliver Jacob, we thought...so please don't think we weren't considering it).

So...Happy Spring, Happy April, Happy baby names (finally)

(and Happy April Fools, to those that celebrate it. Sorry, no longer have quite the creative inspiration to come up with something. Don't know that anything can top the time I convinced my mom someone had stolen my car at my old apartment...hee hee).

37 Weeks - No longer premature!

I have now reached the point where the baby would no longer be considered premature if it was born now. It's all fair game at this point. I am nearing the finish line and who knows when the baby will actually make it's appearance. It's exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. I still have things I want to finish up...knitting the baby blanket, picking out middle names for the baby, putting away the last few items in the baby's room, putting up shelves in the baby's room and getting the cube organizer for it, practicing my natural child birthing techniques more...and just having some time to breathe and think about the baby coming. *sigh*

Physically, not much seems to have changed. The baby is pretty low inside and head down, so there are many times when the baby's head pushes on sensitive/sore areas and it's hard to walk...sometimes there are sharp stabbing pains. The baby also pushes it's feet (or maybe knees) against my belly, somewhere above my belly button, and while it's cute, it often hurts. I am being abused. And even though the baby is dropped lower and supposedly I should be able to breathe easier, I still get out of breath pretty quickly...some days are worse than others. And of course, I have to use the bathroom pretty darn often. At least at night it's not so bad...usually one, maybe two, trips. One woman in my prenatal yoga class is apparently up about 7 times a night...sheesh!

Mentally...well, depends on what you focus on. As I said above, I feel like I am running out of time to get things done before this baby comes, and I am not quite mentally ready for the big changes the baby will bring. I want some time to get things settled and be able to just chill for a bit. But, I guess with only 2-4 weeks to go, I don't really have much time for that. *sigh*
Regarding labor itself, I am doing much better. Matt and I had someone come over to our house for two one-on-one natural child birthing classes, and those did a world of good for me. I have been worried about how this labor experience would go, given that my first one went so badly (don't ever let yourself get induced unless it really is medically necessary and you get a second opinion). I was worried that things would just go downhill again, and I would end up with another c-section. But thanks to the classes, I have been able to let go of a lot of that fear and worry and to get excited about this upcoming birth. And confident that I can have the labor/delivery experience I am hoping for.

For those not familiar, my first experience was to be induced a week early due to worries about Liam's skull fusing together too soon (which it wasn't, and CHOP confirmed that there was no reason I should have been induced over that, so it was completely unnecessary). My body wasn't really ready, so progress was slow, and eventually I was running out of energy and the doctor convinced me to go for the epidural, which I gave in to (and was upset about)...and then Liam's heart rate went up, which is one of the things that can happen. And that resulted in a c-section, which is something epidurals are known to lead to. I am very bitter about the whole thing and feel like I was cheated of a great natural experience.

So, this time around, I am doing VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and planning to go natural again. And before you say to yourself "wow, she is crazy", ask yourself why they heck you feel you aren't capable of handling a normal birth yourself (well, if you are a female...obviously males don't need to deal with it the same). I am not trying to "be brave" or prove anything. I am trying to experience birth the way it was meant to and in the safest way. So many cultures are not afraid of childbirth, but ours has become one that is. Most women having a baby for the first time have never witnessed someone else having a baby and so all they have to go on are TV shows and movies, and the horror stories that other women seem to like to tell. So childbirth is the big, unknown, scary thing to them by the time they are pregnant. So they go into labor expecting it to hurt worse than anything, and they want to avoid that, so they are all ready to go for the drugs, without really caring much about the consequences or taking time to think if they could really just do it on their own. I believe ALL women are strong and capable of handling natural childbirth. And read up on epidurals and the like...there are still way too many negatives with them...they really should just be used when you really can't stand things anymore, or if medically necessary (needing a c-section). To me, the lessening of pain in that manner is not worth the risks it involves...not when I can use natural methods to lessen pain almost just as effectively. Go ahead, watch some you-tube videos of natural births, especially those using techniques like hypnobirthing, and see how amazing they are. Woman aren't writhing in pain or screaming bloody murder, they do quite fine, and some even seem to be in a trance-like state (deep relaxation, and they only feel intense sensations, not pain). And when they have the baby, they are so much more aware and happy and fulfilled. I am really looking forward to that, and being able to add my personal accounts to birthing stories.

Anyway, don't want to get carried away. Just want people to think about it more, instead of just assuming or jumping to conclusions. Just about everyone I meet thinks I am weird or crazy for wanting a natural birth, and that just doesn't make much sense to me, since "I" am the one doing the normal, natural thing. Heh.

So...enough for now...here's the official baby info.

Your Baby This Week
Baby's weight continues to increase, reaching around 6.5 pounds (3.2 kg) now. While baby is about 21 inches (53 cm) long, his limbs and tummy are all growing rounder and chubbier every day. His skin is less wrinkly now, and most of the redness has turned to a hue that reflects your baby's ethnic heritage.
By this time, most babies descend down into your pelvis, head first, getting ready for birth. In about 3% of pregnancies, babies turn in the other direction, a situation known as a breech presentation. If this is the case for your baby, don't worry as this often changes--sometimes just hours before labor!

Your Body This Week
You are probably not seeing much change in the size of your tummy now, and your weight should be close to the maximum that your health care provider predicted or recommended. You can expect your caregiver to perform a pelvic exam around this time to help determine the progress of your pregnancy and better judge your due date.
Your due date is so close that you could easily deliver at any time! Chances are very good that delivering from this week on, your baby will be healthy. Take a deep breath. Labor, delivery and motherhood will all be amazing and wonderful experiences!

Halfway done

Now that I am home on maternity leave, I am starting to make a bit more progress on the baby blanket. I was hoping I would be further than I am, but at least it's moving. And if this baby waits another two weeks or so, I think I might actually finish it in time. I just need to keep knitting as much as possible. I am finally at the halfway point, and it's looking pretty good, I think. Here, take a look:



Not too bad, eh? I can't wait to see the thing finished. Of course, I will have a million ends to weave in (okay, more like 58 or so...but that's a heck of a lot. Way more than the multi-colored baby hats I do which I usually feel have too many ends to weave in...*sigh* I should weave in ends as a I go, probably...to save myself some crying). And then there is a crocheted edge and blocking. But...one day at a time. If that has to be done after the baby is born, so be it.

So, hopefully I will be able to post a new picture next week, with even more progress on it. Here's to quick knitting!

What's in a name?

For months now, Matt and I have been trying to pick out names for the baby. I really thought we would have picked out two names a lot sooner. I figured this time would be easier somehow (not sure why, this time we had two to pick out, plus middle names, instead of just going with Matt's to start a tradition), and that we would be done a lot sooner. Instead, here we are at 36 weeks and 3 days, and we just now have settled on the two first names. I had a list of 20+ girls names, and almost as many boys names. Matt's lists were a bit smaller...but despite their sizes, NONE of our boys names were the same, AND only three of the girls names happened to be the same. *sigh* So began the process of narrowing down the lists. And when we finally got down to a handful on either, it became really hard. Because we had our favorites and neither really wanted to give them up, AND because the ones we liked the most, the other didn't really like it at all (my favorite names were some of his least favorite, and vice versa).
Finally, today, we came to a compromise. Out of 5 boys names, we went with his favorite and my 3rd choice. Out of 4 girls names, we went with my 2nd choice and his 3rd choice (both our favorites for girls were names that the other really didn't like). *sigh*
And I am finding it hard to just accept them. I guess I really wanted to go with my names. I am trying to imagine naming our son with Matt's choice, and it's not really my ideal. But I can't always get my way, and I sort of won with Liam the first time around. But even with the girl's name...it's not my first, ideal choice. But Matt dislikes that one enough that I would feel weird going with it. So...we both had to compromise a bit on it...not either of our first choices. So, again...I am not all that happy. But again...why should I get my way? I tend to get my way a lot. I want a certain color for a room...it's that color. I want to do a specific thing on a given day...it tends to happen. Etc...either because Matt doesn't really have a preference, or because he doesn't feel it's worth it to voice his preference...or I just really can't give in. (yeah, I am spoiled...but that's probably for another post...need to work on that)
So...I am here, now...trying to accept these final names, trying to accept that neither of my favorites have made it, and that with both I am giving in a little (or a lot more). I know I will get used to them, and after a while, the names WILL become a part of who the baby is, and we won't be able to imagine the baby with any other name. The baby is who the baby is...regardless of name. It shouldn't really be a big deal, should it?
*sigh*

And no, I am not yet going to post the names. We still need to figure out middle names...and it's been less than 12 hours since we decided on the names, so there is still room for change. The names will probably be announced when the baby is born...at least, the one name will be. So...stop thinking about it. heh.

When cleaning up is wonderful!

So, I took advantage of the great weather today and cleaned up my garden. Something I always enjoy (although by the end of it I usually am annoyed at just how big my gardens are and I wonder why I put in the extra garden). It's nice to clear out the dead stuff and to see the new stuff starting to grow in, to smell the clean earthy scent mixed with mulch. To no longer see the cluttery mess that is this:




But to see large stretches of earth-colored mulch with new beginnings of life springing from it:





(I LOVE purple flowers!)




(see the new life poking out of the ground? *smile* Those are hostas in the making.)

OMG, at 36 weeks!

I am now 36 weeks pregnant...which means I have 4 weeks to go (give or take). For some reason, it seems like another mile marker. I guess only having one month to go. Holy crap. It's just around the corner, and if I go early like I want to, it's even closer.

Let's see, what updates do I have? Well, I am now on maternity leave. Friday was my last day of work. So today is my first day of being at home instead of work. And it feels...AWESOME! It feels freeing! Like I have tons of time to get stuff done! I don't just have evenings to try to cram stuff into. I have the whole day to get things done. AND, I don't really have any major projects now. The baby's room is pretty much ready (just need to finish unpacking the shower gifts and putting away baby laundry), Liam's birthday party is past (just a little post-party clean-up left), and it's mainly just getting caught up with laundry and a few things now. And knitting. I do have that baby blanket to finish and need to get a move-on with that, BUT now I have full days in which to do it, so there might be hope yet.

Anyway, I actually have to run off to an appointment (got a prenatal massage booked...mmmmmmmm), so I will post this week's belly picture and official info, and post any other updates later in the week.



Your Baby This Week
Nearly 21 inches (53 cm) long and weighing in at 6 pounds (3 kg), your baby is rapidly approaching her birth weight. You may notice your "belly" seems to have dropped and may seem slightly smaller. That's because your baby has dropped lower in your pelvis, relieving some of the pressure on your abdomen.
While she may still move around a bit in the weeks to come, generally she'll settle comfortably in the lower part of your uterus. In the meantime, baby's brain tissue continues to develop, and finally, the lungs and respiratory system are nearing maturity.

Your Body This Week
Well there's no getting around it--you're feeling like you're carrying a beach ball! Driving will become more difficult, as will sitting in the front seat of a vehicle; going up and down stairs will start to feel like climbing a mountain! Even though you have a few weeks to go, your weight may stabilize around this time, so you won't get much larger. Stay off your feet as much as possible to minimize swelling and cramping, and rest when you can.
You will probably visit your health care provider on a weekly basis now--a sign that the delivery day is drawing near. Although your appointments will be frequent, they'll also be short; bring a list of any questions you have, particularly about labor and delivery.

Finally! It's here!

It's official. Today is the day. A day I've been waiting for. Not much different than yesterday, technically. But still, a special day nonetheless.

Today...is the First Day of Spring!

After all that winter brought...all that snow and ice and cold and bleakness, to day I can finally say it's Spring. True, Thursday and Friday's were much more along the lines of Spring, in the 60's and 70's. Today was a high of 52. But still...TODAY is officialy Spring. TODAY. And given that the highs for the next 10 days are all in the upper 40's to the high 50's, it looks like we are out of the truly cold weather. And I am a MUCH happier person for it!

I am going to celebrate this week by clearing out all the dead stuff in my garden. Needs done anyway and if I wasn't so busy preparing for maternity leave and my son's birthday, I probably would have done it already. But, this seems like good timing (and both the party and last day of work have passed), so clean-up it is.

*happy sigh*