Today is my grandfather's birthday. It causes me grief that he is no longer here to celebrate it. It's the first birthday to pass without him. He would have been 80 today. That suddenly seems way too young to not be around to celebrate. I feel like he had so much more life to live and should have had the opportunity to live it. I feel like life cheated him and took it away, giving him cancer-caused pain and suffering for the last year of his life, and then just letting him slip away one night. My mother, a few of her siblings, and her mother were there as he passed out of this world...and every time I think about that, I really wish I had been there as well. In his last moment, to see him off, I guess. It still feels somewhat unreal. One day he was here...and then he wasn't, and I missed that moment where it changed. Heck, I wasn't even in the same state...I was camping in PA and dealing with a leaky pavilion tent in a torrential downpour. (I like to think of it as nature mourning his passing) I didn't even see him until a few days later, for the funeral...looking different than when I had last seen him, and than what he used to look like before the cancer whittled away at him. It didn't quite seem like him, and I am still left with a slightly "unfinished" feeling, that I can't quite believe that he really is gone, that he was stolen away, that something like this could have happened.
But it did...and today is the day he was born, many years ago. And I wish him a happy day of birth, wherever he may be. Love you, grandpop. So very much.
un-rav-el [uhn-rav-uhl] 1. to separate or disentangle the threads of a woven or knitted fabric, 2.to free from complication or difficulty; make plain or clear
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